Three Men and a Baby
by Josee-ann
Summary: Troy, Chad and Zeke spend the afternoon at Troy's. With a baby. Surely, nothing can go wrong, right? Oneshot


**Author's Note: Hey, this is just a oneshot that I've had in my head for quite a while. It's taken me forever to write but it's done now and I hope you like it!**

* * *

**Three Men And A Baby**

Troy stared at the brick wall in front of him, in a daydream. How long does it take for someone to have a shower? He looked at his watch for the third time that minute, and then the person he was waiting on finally appeared.

"Hey man, ready to go?" Chad appeared from the changing rooms, backpack swung over his shoulder and his trusty basketball tucked under his arm.

"Dude how long does it take? Practise finished 18 minutes ago." Troy picked up his backpack and started to walk along the corridor with Chad by his side.

"Hey, hair management requires shampoo, re-shampoo, conditioner, hair moose, blow dry, light brisk combing and styling, and a dash of hairspray. It takes time and effort to look this good," Chad declared proudly, grinning wildly.

"Yeah, it also takes time and effort to walk home! So if you want me to give you a lift next time, get out faster" Troy told him, brushing his hand through his hair.

"Okay, okay, I won't re-shampoo, but it wont look as good" Chad pouted.

"I'm sure you'll survive." Troy laughed.

As the guys talked about nothing in particular on the way to Troy's car, they ran into a rather flustered Zeke, carrying two large boxes.

"Hey, man. What the hell are those?" Troy asked, eyeing up the boxes.

"They're for the Great American Bake Sale. I'm keeping most of the ones I've made in school but these cookies are what's left. There's no more room!" Zeke chuckled.

"I'll help you with that." Chad offered, his eyes wide as he took a box from Zeke and tried to open the lid.

"…And if you so much as put one finger into that box, I'll hit you with my spatula!"

Chad shrugged and continued to open the box.

"…And it will also be rammed up something you don't want it to be rammed." With that comment, Chad shut the box immediately handing the box back to Zeke, Troy in fits of laughter.

"Anyway, we're heading over to mine, do you wanna come?" Troy asked after he got over the incident.

"Yeah sure, as long as you don't mind me leaving these somewhere." Zeke said, gesturing to the boxes.

"Sure, as long as you let my mom have one and then she'll love you forever!" Troy smiled.

The guys put the boxes and their bags in Troy's trunk and then headed back to his house.

* * *

"Hey Mom, we're home!" Troy called through out the house as he swung his coat over the stair banister, Chad and Zeke following him in pursuit. 

"Oh thank God," Troy's mother Lucille Bolton appeared from the living room door, and Troy was surprised to see her with a baby in her arms. She hurried over.

"Troy I'm afraid we have a situation. You know my friend, Tabitha?" Troy nodded his head.

"Well she was over earlier on but she had a slight emergency and had to leave. I promised to look after little Susie here," Lucille explained looking at the young child.

"But the office just called and there's an emergency meeting which I HAVE to go to so can you just look after Susie for a few hours," Without even waiting for a reply, she put baby Susie into Troy's arms.

"Uh…." Troy answered, looking a little dumbfounded. Chad and Zeke merely sniggered,

"There's plenty of diapers, formula, everything to keep her happy but if you need anything, call your father. Thank you so much dear, you'll be great!" She rambled as she got her coat and bag, kissed Troy embarrassingly on the cheek, waved goodbye to Susie and the boys and the left.

Troy stood looking at the baby in his arms. He had never dealt with babies before, and now he was just expected to look after one?

"Well, Troy" Chad smiled, placing a hand on Troy's shoulder, "looks like you've got everything under control… well see ya!" Chad and Zeke turned round automatically and headed for the door.

"Ohoho, no you don't" Troy said loudly making the guys stop in their tracks. "You're not going anywhere. You're gonna help me look after this little one."

"Ohoho, you can forget it." Zeke laughed.

"Ohoho, if you value you place in the team, you will stay here and help me." Troy said putting his foot down.

Chad narrowed his eyes. "You wouldn't dare…"

"I'm sorry but as the captain of the team…" Troy started when Susie decided to throw up, all over Troy's shoulder, leaving him speechless.

"Wow, she really has impeccable timing" Chad grinned.

"Yeah, looks like you two have something in common then" Troy replied bitterly, holding the baby at arms length, as if scared of what she might do next.

"You're not supposed to hold the baby like that," Zeke pointed out.

"I know but what if she throws up again?" Troy asked, studying the baby for possible signs of future vomiting. She burped slightly, making Troy jump.

"Yeah and _if she does_, it's going to end up right in you face" Zeke grinned.

Troy's eyes widened. "You're right." He turned the baby round so she was facing the guys, still keeping her at arm's length. Both boys took several steps lack in fear. Chad pulled Zeke in front of him, ignoring his protests.

"Sorry man, we have to make sacrifices." Chad mumbled.

"Look guys you HAVE to help me," Troy said walking into the living room, the guys following slowly. "I have a baby in my arms, vomit on my shoulder and I have no idea what to do."

"Okay, okay calm down." Zeke said. "You… could put her in that bassinette over there and… maybe she'll go to sleep."

"What the hell's a bassinette?" Chad asked, confused.

"Fancy word for basket." Troy answered heading to the bassinette and tried to position her into it, with difficulty.

"Oh, right, I thought it was a fancy word for baguette. And then I thought, "Why would you put a baby in bread?" Chad yacked on while Zeke looked at him blankly.

"By any chance, when you were a baby, did your parents drop you on your head?"

Troy lay Susie down on her back in the bassinette "There, there time to go to sleepy…" Troy noticed that her face was scrunched up, she didn't want to go to sleep and before, they knew it, Susie started crying. Loudly.

Chad and Zeke stopped bickering at once and stuck their fingers in their ears. "Jeeze, thanks a lot Troy!"

"It's not my fault, she doesn't want to sleep." Troy yelled over the crying, picking Susie back up and held her so that she was looking over his shoulder.

"Well, maybe she's hungry!" Zeke yelled.

"What?" Chad shouted back at Zeke.

"MAYBE SHE'S HUNGRY!" Zeke yelled ten times louder than before.

"All right, all right, no need to shout!" Chad said, heading towards the kitchen.

A few minutes later, he came back with a bottle of formula and cookie in his hand.

"Chad! Babies don't eat cookies." Troy groaned.

"I know that, the cookie's for me" Chad grinned, while munching in his cookie. When he was finished, Troy handed him Susie.

"Okay, you feed her, I'm gonna change my shirt." Troy left to go upstairs leaving Chad to juggle the baby.

"Umm…. Okay so I just… stick it in her mouth?" Chad asked Zeke.

"Suppose so." Zeke answered, uncertainly.

Susie thankfully accepted the bottle and was sucking on while Chad held her, smiling down at her.

"Awww she's so cute!" Chad cooed, his mothering instinct coming through.

"She's quiet, that's all I care about." Zeke stated, collapsing on the sofa.

"Hey, she's quiet." Troy appeared in the doorway in a fresh, clean shirt. He grinned at Chad.

"Well there's a sight I thought I'd never see! You feeding a baby"

"Haha. Anyway, I think she's finished, what do I do now?"

"Don't you, like, burp her or something?" Zeke said from the couch, his hands behind his head.

Chad put the empty bottle down on the coffee table and positioned her so she was facing over his shoulder again. He rubbed her back. "There, there." He slowly turned round, waiting for her to burp. Troy and Zeke smiled at each other.

"Hey, why is my back wet?" The guys looked up to see a fresh train of vomit running down Chad's back from where Susie was lying.

The two guys sniggered. "Why don't I take over and you go borrow one of Troy's shirts." Zeke offered while Chad went to go change his "Hard Work Pays Off In The Future; Laziness Pays Off Now" shirt.

Just as Chad handed Susie to Zeke, she started to wail again, even louder than last time. Chad grinned, "Now you're on your own."

Chad and Troy left laughing, leaving Zeke in the living room, as he tried to comfort Susie by uttering soothing words.

"Ssssssssssshh. Ssssssssshh. Susie, Susie ssssshhhhhhhhh." Zeke rocked her back and forward but it made no difference.

"God, all you t-shirts are boring Troy." Zeke heard faintly from upstairs. "I can't be seen in a _plain _shirt."

"Well it's either plain shirt, or no shirt at all." Troy argued.

"No shirt at all! I like my skin to breathe."

"What if Susie throws up again?"

"Plain shirt it is then"

Zeke smirked as he rocked Susie, caressing her soft blonde hair. However, she continued to cry.

Chad and Troy appeared from Troy's bedroom and Chad smiled at Zeke.

"She's still crying then?"

Zeke looked up. "No, she's yodelling, can't you tell?"

"Guys, guys, guys. Sarcastic remarks can wait, how the hell do we get her to stop crying?" Troy said.

"Perhaps… she needs her diaper changed?" Zeke wondered aloud.

"Count me out." Chad crossed his arms.

"Me too." Troy agreed.

"Oh, forget it, I don't know how to do it!"

"Um hello?" Chad said in a weird tone. "Who's been the guy who's suggested all the baby tactics? Who seems to know what he's doing?"

"And have any of those tactics worked? Noooo. See, I'm useless!" Zeke argued.

"Okay, okay, lets see what the girls are doing, this is a job for a girl." Troy decided, heading for the phone.

"Don't let Taylor hear that, she'll call you a sexist pig." Chad announced, crossing his arms.

Zeke looked at Chad confused. "I didn't even think you knew what "sexist" meant."

"He doesn't, but when he hears the word "sex", his ears perk up." Troy smirked, picking up the phone. "Now, who should we call, Gabriella's got a dentist appointment, how about Taylor?"

"Doing some tutoring for Billy Jones." Chad said in a bitter tone.

"Ooooh, do I sense some jealousy?" Zeke said playfully, over Susie's screaming that was still going on.

"No." Chad said quietly while he thought about his girlfriend's whereabouts.

"Right, so no Gabby, no Taylor, how about Kelsi?" Troy asked, now exasperated.

"Jason said he had a date with her after school." Zeke said.

"So, Jase will totally understand when he hears our predicament." Chad stated.

"Will he really?" Chad sighed, knowing that Zeke was right.

"Right so no Gabby, no Taylor, no Kelsi, how about Sharpay?" Troy said one final time.

"Your considering Sharpay?" Chad smirked at the fact that Troy was contemplating the girl that he spent most of his school-life avoiding.

"I'm DESPERATE!" Troy declared frustrated.

"Doesn't matter. From what I heard, she's gone shopping, and Sharpay wouldn't stop if a tornado hit the mall." Zeke said matter-of-factly.

"Urgh, fine. Anyone else?" Troy said as he racked his brain for possibilities.

"Forget it man. I'm not having some crazy cheerleader over here hitting on you leaving us with the baby. No we just have to… change that diaper ourselves. Okay, Chad, you dispose of the dirty diaper, Troy, you give me the new one, and I'll change her," Zeke organised.

"Hey, I wanna do the clean one… what does dispose mean?" Chad asked, cocking his head.

* * *

"Well that wasn't… too bad." Zeke said sinking into the couch. 

"That was… certainly an experience." Troy added.

"That was the worst thing ever!" Chad concluded. "You didn't have to FLING the dirty diaper at me!"

"Sorry but she started peeing again, I needed to be quick." Zeke defended.

"It wasn't even wrapped up properly…" Chad gave Zeke an evil stare and he avoided his glare.

"Well at least she's…. aw damn!" Troy cursed loudly when Susie started crying again from the bassinette.

"What could she possibly want?" Chad wailed. "We've fed her, burped her, changed her! What else does that bleeding baby need?"

"Well maybe she's tired?" Zeke suggested.

"Then why isn't she sleeping???" Chad snapped.

"Guys, guys, stop fighting. Zeke has a point. But how the hell do we get her to go to sleep?" Troy said leaning over the bassinette, watching the young infant.

"Ooh, ooh, we should sing it a lullaby!" Zeke declared in a sudden burst of inspiration.

"Ooh, ooh, are you kidding me?" Chad said whacking Zeke in the arm.

"Chad! Go get my guitar." Troy ordered.

"Right, guitar." Chad was about to leave when; "You have a guitar?"

"My room, back of my closet."

"Right back in a sec."

Chad came back five minutes later with an acoustic guitar in his hands. "Do you realise how much crap you have in that closet of yours?"

"Never mind that. Pay the guitar and sing a lullaby." Troy told Chad who looked bemused.

"Um… it's YOUR guitar."

"So… I don't know how to play it, hence it being in my closet!" Troy said.

"Well I don't know how to play."

"Me neither."

"Well just strum random strings and sing a song." Troy picked up Susie so she could hear Chad properly. Zeke sat on the couch amused at what was going to happen next.

Chad stood there with the guitar, unsure of what to do next. He strummed the strings repeatedly on the same chord and started singing a song that sounded like the same tune from "A Whole New World"

"We will show you the world

Shinning, shimmering, splendid

Tell us, Susie, isn't it time to

Rest your sleepy head"

Troy and Zeke were trying to control their laughter but were failing miserably. Even Susie stopped to listen.

"Time to close your eyes.

Dream of ponies and… pansies

Troy and Zeke, you better stop taking the piss

Or I will punch you now

A whole new world

A world of sleepiness

Awaits you

Into your fancy basket

We'll… something, ask it

To take you to your dreams

A whole new world

I can't think of anything else

To sing

Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na

Do, Doo, Do, Do

So now feel woozy our little Susie."

Chad strummed the last chord and the room was silent.

"That was beautiful Chad!" Troy said, half-laughing.

"Bravo!" Zeke complimented.

"If there wasn't ladies present I would pound you into the ground right now" Chad threatened with a smile on his face placing the guitar down.

"Oh my God." Troy gasped.

"What?" Zeke said alarmed.

"She's asleep!" Troy whispered as the snoozing baby rested on his shoulder.

"Praise the Lord!" Zeke cried out in a hushed tone. "Thank you God for giving Chad such a sweet singing voice." Chad punched him lightly in the arm, but even he was pleased.

Troy rested Susie in the bassinette and all three guys collapsed on the sofa.

"Finally."

Suddenly the front door opened and slammed shut, shaking the whole house. Susie began to stir.

"Oh no…" Troy groaned.

And once again, Susie began to cry.

"We're home!" Mrs Bolton and her friend appeared in the living room door way. "Oh sorry, was she sleeping?"

"Oh no, no" Troy stood up as the guys did. "But excuse us, we're going to go bang our heads against the wall."

And with a diva-like strut, all three guys left the room leaving Lucille and Tabitha utterly confused.

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**A/N: Hoped you liked it! R&R**


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